I met a young lady today.
I have seen this girl before, she works as a cashier at WalMart. Bitterness, frustration and anger paint her face. She hastily does her job....seemingly eager for the moment when she can clock out. No kind word, no small talk..she mutters only a trained, "Have a nice day", as you leave. To be honest, I have avoided her lane on more than one occasion. Today, as I neared the checked out, the Lord gently tugged at my heart, "Go to her. Love her." Quite hesitantly, the kids and I rolled up to her register. I said, "Hello!" and began to try some small talk. She did not reciprocate.
And then I noticed something...... this young girl was pregnant.
My heart stung, my criticism melted.
This could be my child....this could be our birthmother.
For a few minutes, the Lord gave me the opportunity to love that young momma; to speak kindly and with respect, to appreciate the work she was doing, to silently pray for her. I have no idea what the future holds for this young lady and her child..... but I cannot remove her face from my mind. What pain is she feeling? What paints the anger on her face?
Adoption is about loss. In a domestic adoption....that loss looks quite different than an international adoption. Almost never has the child lost his parents...rarely is the birthmother dying from AIDS. The country is not starving, public schools are on every corner and WIC programs in every town. The loss of our adoption will be the deliberate choice of a birtmother...to make a plan of adoption for her child, out of total love and self sacrifice for that child. To feel the loss of a baby because she desires that child to be raised in a two parent home, stable and full of love and protection. I am humbled by this love and courage.
The Lord has begun a deep work in my heart for birthmothers. I cannot even articulate what is going on, but I feel the effects of His chiseling away at the rough edges of my heart, pouring His love in. Oh, for more of that love!
For a few moments, I had the opportunity to show a bit of His love to that young girl....and I want to do that again. I am eager to go back to her lane, to not avoid her but to search her out. Not because I want to encourage adoption on her....not because I want her child....but because I love Jesus. Here stands a young lady, angry and frustrated, and here stand I. I do not know a day when I was not loved and cared for. I do not remember a day when I did not know the Lord....that is an indescribable privilege....one which I am responsible for.
Each day we move closer to being homestudy approved, closer to being profile ready, closer to being "paper pregnant". For us, that does not mean receiving a number or the beginning a countdown. It means there will be birthmother, sitting across from a caseworker, making the most difficult decision of her life. She will look though profiles, pictures and letters from prospective families for her child....and one day, ours will be placed in her hands. May we not approach that day without praying for each lady who will see our faces, who will read our letter. May in some small way may we "love on" each birthmother through that profile. I know, when the birthmother comes along that He has chosen for us, the child that He knows will be ours....that will be a day of great celebration....yet for one braveheart, a day of loss. May the Lord fill us with His love and compassion for this young lady!