I have been reading, "When God Weeps", by Joni E. Tada over the past couple of weeks, and tonight I came to a paragraph that hit home within my heart:
"Emotions are one of the least reliable yet most influential forces in our lives. One day we are hopeful; the next, we hate. Despair at one time; delight, the other. Emotions are the surging, restless tides that keep ebbing and flowing, drawing us up, then pushing us down."
As you may well know from reading this blog, or if you have seen me lately, the "ebb and tide" of my recent emotions has been such discouragement. A constant reminder is ever pressing down, adoption fundraising. I know many of you have been there, are there, and I know you stay awake at night with the same concern I do, "how will we get our little one home? WHEN?What if it doesn't come?"
This process is bring into the light my fragile, fleeting trust in the Lord's provision. Have I not seen Him provide? Do I not know the stories since the beginning of creation His compassionate and abundant provision for His people? Did HE not create this child? Does HE not love her far more than I can imagine. I think my heart hurts for those precious little ones in Ethiopia, how much greater does His? He has His own good plan regarding our family, and we will be faithful to Him, however that provision looks, and what ever HIS timeline of that provision is. (And my finate self still seems to think that I can worry this child home!)
Last night I was so discouraged, thinking, "the economy is too bad, the money will never come, adoption is for the rich, we will never come up with the funds in time, our house isn't nice enough, big enough,if it is this hard on the front end, how will we ever come up with our dossier, referral and travel funds, how will I be able to look at sweet Evangeline and tell her we can't......" on and on "I of little faith" went.
This morning, the Lord encouraged us, and showed us HE can make a way home for Eliana..... do you see my little "chip in" button? It had a little boost today!!!God is using his faithful servants, some of whom do not even know us, to bring our peanut home! My heart is thankful and glad, and I am reminded, should I only sing praise and bless the Lord when I feel the circumstances He has blessed me with are good? By no means! Oh, how I long for a heart that does not ebb and flow with the tide of my own comfort and happiness, but is steadfast and thankful in all circumstances, knowing that He who calls the stars out one by one, who knows the grains of and on the shore, who knit together every life, both that of the noble and the silent orphan in Ethiopia, is good and just and fair. He who holds all of creation.... oh, for a heart that will allow Him to hold me, all days, at all times and throughout all that He has called me to do and IS doing!
Today, I am thankful and encouraged!